Lost Goggles... and other things that make me go ape

When I was a kid I lost EVERYTHING. Whatever I touched, I ended up setting down somewhere and forgetting about until I needed it again, at which point I would get frantic and search and cry until I found it. The running joke from my older sister every time I lost something was "When you get married someday, you'll lose your husband!" (That did actually happen with my first marriage... But that's another blog post....)

As an adult I take painstaking efforts to NOT lose things anymore. I am keenly aware of where I set things because I have to be. If I let myself be the real me I would revert back to losing everything. So instead I try *really hard* to pay attention to where things are. And because I put so much effort into being responsible and not losing my sh*t, it drives me absolutely ape when my kids claim to lose something they just had two seconds ago.

This summer, goggles have almost ended me. I cannot tell you how many times my kids have claimed to lose their goggles. One child even refused to get into the pool because "swimming is no fun unless you can see everything!!" Which also drove me ape. I go so bonkers when things are lost that I have been known to go out and buy the lost item so that it is in my possession again, all the while knowing that it will likely be found that very same day. My logical, good parenting brain leaves my body entirely and I become a crazy OCD version of myself that will not rest until the lost item is found. We may or may not have 10 pairs of goggles right now.

Besides the goggles dilemma of summer 2k15, there are a lot of other things making me go ape as well. Why just today I got up, took my kids to swim team, came home, paid bills, made some phone calls, signed up a kid for fair and then turned around to make lunch just as one kid wanted a t shirt that was too big to be made into a tank top (which was my fault for not getting the right size), another kid was itching for a play date and inquiring as to *when* I would be making that happen, and a third child was making plans to breed a bunny she was already told wasn't going to happen until fall but she wanted to go ahead and get started because she's bored. Everyone wants something all the time and they want me to make it happen. The pressure mounts and I feel overwhelmed. Then in walks my husband to have lunch with us which makes me feel like a failure. He should be walking into me being "super mom", not me being "I just can't help one more person today so make a sandwich" mom (otherwise known as World's Ok-est Mom). We got through the afternoon and I did make my husband a nice lunch and I might have even smiled once or twice, but it was a rough day.

Later, I sent my husband a text that said:

 "Taking (child) to drama class... I might not come back... why am I not better at this mom thing?"

He of course told me I was fine and laughed it off. But as I drove to Kohl's after dropping said child off and stalling  rushing to return home, I thought about why things drive me so nuts.

Someone once said to me "You're a great teacher. Why can't you just 'teach' your kids all day? Wouldn't that be more fun/Make you hate being home less?" To which I answered "I can't talk with a puppet all day." I was teaching preschool at the time which is more like acting, so I thought well, I guess I just can't act all day. I can't be engaging all day. I can't make everything a game. I can't be as awesome with my own kids as I am with my students. I mean I can, for moments, but I can't do it ALL DAY.

But today as I thought about all the things that make me crazy during the day when I am home it finally hit me. I love teaching ALL kids. I love being around kids and watching them learn. My family can even vouch for me, that I love working. I love my own kids and doing activities with them. I love watching them learn to do things. So what's the big difference between school and home???

Answer: lunch ladies and custodians and secretaries and paraeducators!

I need support staff! At school, all I do is teach. That's my focus. I focus on the kids and what we are doing. The rest of the stuff, the office stuff, the food stuff, even the helping kids who aren't up to speed stuff, is handled by OTHER PEOPLE.

But at home I am all of those things rolled up into one giant person in a straight jacket. It is crazy-making! How am I supposed to be everything to everyone all the time??? And stay sane? Because things like goggles matter, people! All of the little things matter.

There is no funny and inspiring way to end this post. The only reason I even wrote it is for solidarity. If you are at home this summer going ape over things like missing goggles just know that you are not alone! It takes a huge staff of people to run a school that tends to your children on a daily basis and right now if you are even making an attempt at being a Worlds' Ok-est Mom then you might feel like you are in over your head. The solution for me today is to go have fun with my kids. Forget the custodian, secretary, lunch lady, and even teacher for a few minutes and just go have fun. Go put on a pair of goggles and jump in the pool.... before anyone asks you for anything that is :-)