Being told "I hate you"... and why I lie and say that it doesn't bother me

Time to add another award to my trophy case... Last night one of the kids dropped this bomb: "I hate you. You're mean." That ups it to 3 out of 5 of the kids in the house who have said that to me. My response to each of those children upon uttering it has been vastly different. When one of the boys said it, I laughed. When one of the girls said it, I said "Yeah, I'm aware of that based on how you treat me," and then I laughed. This time when one of the other girls said it, it launched World War 3 in our home. Ugh.

I, of course, try to act like it doesn't bother me at all. I'm the All Powerful Mom so I should expect my kids to at least dislike me. I'm the one who makes them do chores, finish homework, and leave the room BEFORE they pass gas. So it's normal that they would hate the person who is always calling them on the carpet over being... well, a child. But in reality it hurts. It's not like I *like* being a policeman all day. I would much rather not have to tell them what to do. But then I would be resolving myself to live in squalor, and that just can't happen. And so I put on my World's Ok-est Mom badge every day and patrol my town, only to be spit upon by the first yellow-bellied son-of-a-gun who dares threaten my authority in this po-dunk town. (I feel like that painted a really nice picture of me as a sheriff who is imparting justice rather than a Hitler-like dictator my kids might see me as.)

I can wallow in feeling sorry for myself over this, but then I would be a hypocrite. You see, I've been reading Hatchet to my class this month and the main character imparts this lesson about half way through the book and several days deep into  his adventure of being stranded in the Canadian wilderness: "Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't work." You are so right, fictitious character, Brian Robeson. Not only does it not work, it doesn't help. Nothing will be accomplished by me moping.

And so, for anyone else who has had to hear their children say that they hated them and then act like it doesn't bother you when really you are seething inside and questioning your worth as a person... here is a list of things to do to make yourself feel better...

1. Hug the other children who don't currently hate you. They will have a deeper love for you as they see their position in the family move up a notch due to the hater-child moving down.

2. Sleep. Seriously. It fixes most things. And if you are too mad to shut your body down due to the adrenaline coursing through your veins, then take a Benadryl or Tylenol PM (which, FYI, is just Tylenol with Benadryl in it. I just saved you money. You're welcome.) because it's better for EVERYONE if you stop talking and sleep instead.

3. Go to work.  Much like it was during my childhood, my solace in these tough times is my classroom, where on any given day someone is thanking me for being awesome and confirming that I don't suck. Sometimes kids at school say they hate you too, but for every kid who hates you, there are at least 10 that don't. I don't always math well, but even I know that in school the odds are stacked in my favor, 10%  is SO MUCH BETTER than 60% when comparing kids who hate me vs. kids who may have had that sentiment, but have had the decency to not say it out loud.

4. Hang on to every compliment people give you for the next few days and stack them into a compliment tower in your mind until you feel those compliments out weigh the hater-child's hate of you. I especially love compliments from my students. I hang all my positive notes on my bulletin board. Every week I have a 'Radical Rocket' (person of the week) and the entire class writes that person a nice letter which I make into a booklet to give the person. I want them all to have notes like I do to cheer me up when I'm down. It helps!

6. Use your stress productively. Why just today I impressed myself by created a Power Point presentation for a workshop I'm giving that isn't even happening until next Wednesday! Who knew anger could be so productive!

5. Pinterest it all away. Or read it all away. Escape into a world of possibilities and what if's.

6. Run. Or do whatever hobby you  have that makes you feel like a bad-ass. Cause if you make it through today, you pretty much are one.

7. And finally, brace yourself... because I know that if I'm doing my job right, and holding on to the title of World's Ok-est Mom, then I'll end up at 5 for 5. Yep, that's 100% of my kids having said those words, by the time they are all teenagers. /sigh


















^^^^^Exit slips written by my students. Today, no less! These children are special. They see the truth. I would like to clone them.